They say, ‘Marriage is an Institution.’ Of course, it is!
Experience has shown me that marriage is a big institution with different courses and stages. You meet challenges on each stage. Every couple in marriage have different challenges; no one marriage is the same! In fact, marriage can be likened to a group of people from different background, status, qualification and religion thrown into a huge place, all writing one exam, but each couple is holding a different question paper. You cannot copy each other because the topic and response on your question paper is different to that of the other couple. In marriage, the biggest mistake a couple can make is to copy the lifestyles of the other couples. If any couple do copy another’s lifestyle, irrespective of whether the quality copied is perceived as good or bad quality, and apply it to their own lifestyle, they invite doom on their marriage.
There are lots of mistakes couples in intimate relationship make, I am not here to identify all of them because marriage for each couple is not a-for-all- model. However, there is a common ground I am interested to talk about and that is physical appearance. A person’s physical appearance or look is one of the major ingredient when it comes to attraction. A man approaches you because of the way you dress, talk and act. Also, a woman’s response to a man’s gesture is based on the look. No wonder, most people in all walks of life dresses to impress. In Nigeria, we call it ‘packaging’. Most people will ‘package themselves pass their salary level’ but again that is another area of discussion.
The most important appearance quality is to look clean and tidy, appealing to the eye and healthy, so no excuse to say you are a born again and dress to dry your partner desires. The way a man or a woman saw you and got attracted to you is important. Although, after a while in marriage, couples’ attraction become more intimate and spiritual, but most couples would resent their partners for no longer making effort with their appearances after marriage. I have a friend who dress to impress when she was single but after she got married, I noticed that she started to slack, she would tie wrapper from morning to night, leave her hair unkempt and wear slippers every day. I asked her one day,
‘Nne, what is the news with the new style?’ jokily pointing to her body.
To my utter shock, she responded, ‘Nne, I have arrived! My husband has to love me the way I am.’
Of course, it is not my business and I have no right to judging, but in this case, I started reflecting on her answer, ‘I have arrived’. The answer connotes that she is now a married woman and no longer need to make effort with her looks anymore. For those of us who think they have arrived and digress from the way your husband met you, good luck to you, don’t come crying to me! Same goes to you men.
So, does that mean that a man or woman’s love decreases with a change in your appearance? Of course not! Does it mean, that he will cheat on you with a dressier lady? No be me talk am o! A partner who wants to fall out of love and cheat on you will do it irrespective of the way you dress, if you like, dress like Katie Middleton on the run way, if he or she want to hurt you, they will hurt you.
However, what I am talking about is making effort in spicing your marriage. Don’t relax and say that I have arrived simply because a ring has been put on your finger. Keep the looks up, do not give your partner an opportunity to resent you. Don’t allow your appearance to be an excuse why your partner would start looking outside, if you think your body shape has changed with age or childbearing, biko, waka go shop go buy something that will compliment your body shape. Keep the look up. For me, my husband met me dressing classy and sexy, I still dress sexy and classy. Sometimes, some people will ask me, ‘Why are you dressing like this, you know you are now married, your husband will be angry o?
My response, ‘my dear, na so my oga want am. na when I dress like Mary Amaka, na that time the man dey angry, E go show for him face as I come out of the room. His first question is usually, ‘Honey, why are you dressed like a clown?’
Comments and suggestions please.