Sometimes, I think God is a scammer or ‘419er’ as Nigerian say . What do I mean? Okay let me explain small. God created us with hormones and emotions; for readers who believe that humanbeings is a product of God creation, let me take you through the lane of imagination. Let say you were walking on a sunny day, the weather is nice, you are looking on point, everything seem perfect. As you were catwalking down the lane, you spotted this cute guy, he seems like your dream type of guy. Immediately you could hear your heart beating, concidentally, your eyes locked, he walks over, introduce himself, the rest is history. All you can remember are the happy emotions and an intense feeling of certainty that he is the right guy. Ofcourse he feels the same way. You both can’t imagine life without eachother. Then one day, you missed your period, had your baby or babies. Life seems to have gone by really fast and within the busy schedules of life, you suddenly woke up to the realisation and wonder, ‘who is this man and what am I doing with him?’ Then the arguments begins and then you have more thoughts and wonder, ‘What am I doing with him? I can’t live one more day with him? Well, girl, brace for impact, you have been scammed by God!!! Ha! Ha! Nana na na nana.
Emotions and hormone have a great role to play in our choice of partners. Most people’s decision to settle with a partner is fifty percent how they make them feel. It is like been high, addicted and controlled by drugs- not that I have used any but it is evidence based. Although, for some, it is not love as first sight, some relationship begin as mere friendship, work colleagues etc, in which case, a gradual and enduring process had taken place long before the relationship sparks off.
However, it is a general belief that every couple in love must go through the honey moon phase irrespective of how the relationship starts. It is like a collusion between God and our body to lure us into commitment without doing too much thinking.
Some couple or individuals want to remain in this flowery and honey moon space so they pretend to be someone else, presenting their best behaviour during this phase. In this phase, partners in relationship also pay dead eyes to crucial every day to day life’s need or choose to trivialize situations or habits that might return to haunt them in later stages. Whatever the case may be, this stage always fades, for some, this stage may last few hours, others days, weeks or even years. Once this stages phases out, couples begins to face reality and challenges of their union. Some might get over it and others will never do and this is the disheartening point where what seems like an undying love suddenly go sour like milk left in the heat.
Let’s face the fact, living with our siblings is challenging even though we have the same upbringing; how much more a new partner whose background is entirely different from ours. Although, it is common that we find people with similar interest, however, similarity does not eradicate challenges in intimate relationship. Whether we are similar or different to our partner, what matters is our ability as a couple to harness those differences and challenges associated with commitment.
For example, after the honey moon phase, we are surrounded with reality of the core of who we are and who our partner is within the perimetre of our relationship. This might not always be what we expect. However, If we are able to deal with the situation appropriately, our relationship emerges into a more solid and enjoyable stage. This stage in relationship is like iron on naked fire and in the hand of a blacksmith, it requires moulding, adjustment and compromise between the two partners involved. All intimate relationship pass through this, do not be deceived by any one who states otherwise. No relationship is prefect, behind what seems like a perfect picture of a couple is a struggle no one knows about. Yet not everyone is willing to go through this process of moulding which means that most relationship deteriorate beyond repair. Only those who persevere would enjoy the beauty in the ashes of their other partner. The circle repeats again as each partner values and needs emerge. We fall in love and fall out. Do not be misled, this process (honey moon phase) might take years to fade or it could be short-lived and take months before the fire test begins, which is why we see relationships that had lasted for decades suddenly collapse.
It hurts me when I see two people who are seriously in love fall out and never make up. Ofcourse, there are other complication like domestic violence, manipulation etc, I do not recommend that people persevere and work things out in this case as I will be promoting unhealthy relationships. However, there are many relationships which could be salvaged if both partners are willing to dialogue. A good honest communication with an open heart to understand from each person’s point of view. If both partner are happy to make little efforts after hearing from their other half, things would change for good.
So here is an advice for singles, be more alert to warning signs before you embark on the journey of relationship because if you do and your expectations are not met, you will feel frustrated if you choose to remain in the relationship. Also, be fast to walk out if your partner emotionally and physically abuse you. There is no need to be resilience in the face of destruction. It is called suicide. Same goes to all individuals in an intimate relationship.
As for us married women and men, be open and honest in communicating your needs to your other half. Don’t assume he or she has psychic powers and can read minds. It is stupid to adhere in silence, sweep issues under the carpet and act all nice. As for me, my husband knows that I am a ‘bitch’. I have all methods of communicating my needs to him, thankfully he listens and compromise and this of course is a two ways traffic. We trash things out when we need to and then, forgive each other and move on. Our honest and open approach to dealing with issues had helped us to pass through the fire test. It is better to be what people call a bitch and be in a happy relationship then pretend to be the perfect submissive wife and have a broken marriage.
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